Sunday 4 December 2016

1.1.2015

I felt bad because I felt like I didn't fit in.  New years was supposed to be fun and the best day of the year but I just sat and watched people have fun and play video games that I couldn't enjoy.

I didn't want to be a downer so I sat quietly and ended up drinking a bit too much in order to make myself have as much fun as everyone else. Which was pretty stupid.

I spilt my drink and you got angry and yelled at me for being sloppy and being a drunk nuisance so I hid in the cupboard and cried because I was drunk and unhappy and felt so out of place and then to top it all you were angry with me and I sat helplessly not knowing how to fix things.

You found me in the cupboard, drenched in my own tears and yelled at me even more for not being able to control my alcohol and making a fool of myself.

I was angry and frustrated and I didn't know how to convey this to you in my state so I lashed out and scratched you hoping you'd stop talking and that you'd stop saying those words that made me sink into my feeling of despair.

I just wanted to be with you and I wanted you to hug me and notice I didn't fit in because I didn't know how to say it to you because I was such a mess and I wasn't the person I am now. I wanted to have an amazing night and my first ever kiss at 12 o'clock. I was so excited for that night.

You punched a wall in the bathroom and I actively avoided you the whole night.

Until you came up to me drunk and sobbing and pulled me aside and hugged me.

1.1.2015

I felt bad because I felt like I didn't fit in.  New years was supposed to be fun and the best day of the year but I just sat and watched people have fun and play video games that I couldn't enjoy.

I didn't want to be a downer so I sat quietly and ended up drinking a bit too much in order to make myself have as much fun as everyone else. Which was pretty stupid.

I spilt my drink and you got angry and yelled at me for being sloppy and being a drunk nuisance so I hid in the cupboard and cried because I was drunk and unhappy and felt so out of place and then to top it all you were angry with me and I sat helplessly not knowing how to fix things.

You found me in the cupboard, drenched in my own tears and yelled at me even more for not being able to control my alcohol and making a fool of myself.

I was angry and frustrated and I didn't know how to convey this to you in my state so I lashed out and scratched you hoping you'd stop talking and that you'd stop saying those words that made me sink into my feeling of despair.

I just wanted to be with you and I wanted you to hug me and notice I didn't fit in because I didn't know how to say it to you because I was such a mess and I wasn't the person I am now. I wanted to have an amazing night and my first ever kiss at 12 o'clock. I was so excited for that night.

You punched a wall in the bathroom and I actively avoided you the whole night.

Until you came up to me drunk and sobbing and pulled me aside and hugged me.

Saturday 3 December 2016

Rant

Ever since you walked in,  my life fell into place. I became the person I wanted to be.

And I will be forever thankful.