Dear Diary,
I thought i'd start off by being true to myself, so here goes.
About me :
1. I'm compassionate, not necessarily because i care for others or because i'm a saint, it is because i understand how people feel because I can empathize with them, doesn't mean i'm not nasty sometimes or unnecessarily mean , but in a way that's good right? because at least I'm aware of my tastes and preferences and I'm not fake.
2. I over think everything, maybe because I need to come to peace with certain things. I can't be perfect and I can't change in a jiffy, I can't please everyone in the world because 7 billions a big number. You know the problem with human beings? They run after happiness , trying to always be happy, you see someone being happy 24/7? Yeah that's a facade. You can't always be happy because then happiness won't exist, Is life really fun and exciting when everything goes your way? Are relationships worth it without arguments and it's fluctuating ups and downs? The ups make you feel the love but the downs just confirm it because it helps clear the air and shows you that the other person isn't going to give up that easily, Sometimes having things worth fighting for shows you they're worth it.
3. My Fears - Being disapproved off by people. Not having friends or people to depend on. Being unloved without social company, Feeling like the entire world except me is having fun. With time I am slowly learning that instead of trying to be a person that people like I should focus more on being myself and seeing if others approve of me. Do i crave affection? yes. Can I be demanding ? yes. Do I have unrealistic expectations? yes. Do I chase people ? yes. Do i get jealous and insecure? yes yes yes. Is that okay? maybe.
I can't help that i crave affection so what should i do ? go out and get some by treating people the way i want to be treated. I am demanding , but am i as demanding as other people or more or less? how do you measure demandingness and be able to tell what is the right amount? Is it wrong to want love and security? Or wanting to get what you deserve? Sometimes it burdens you and yourself to be unrealistic but its okay , we just need to accept that stuff can't always go our way or we won't be thankful and appreciative and respectful when it does. I chase people because I'm sure of what i want and when i want someone i try to keep them around, all i have to do now is be myself and treat them the way i want to be treated. I get jealous because self esteem constantly fluctuates from situation to situation and sometimes people are better than you and worse than you in certain aspects, doesn't mean you aren't a beautiful unique human being.
Maybe these are just defence mechanisms, but bottom line it is necessary to be yourself and not lie to yourself and accept the way you feel without trying to cover it up to make yourself feel better because you only truly feel good and strong when you stay yourself and are proud of yourself despite forces making you change in order to be desirable by society.
xoxo
my head to my heart and my heart to my head.
I thought i'd start off by being true to myself, so here goes.
About me :
1. I'm compassionate, not necessarily because i care for others or because i'm a saint, it is because i understand how people feel because I can empathize with them, doesn't mean i'm not nasty sometimes or unnecessarily mean , but in a way that's good right? because at least I'm aware of my tastes and preferences and I'm not fake.
2. I over think everything, maybe because I need to come to peace with certain things. I can't be perfect and I can't change in a jiffy, I can't please everyone in the world because 7 billions a big number. You know the problem with human beings? They run after happiness , trying to always be happy, you see someone being happy 24/7? Yeah that's a facade. You can't always be happy because then happiness won't exist, Is life really fun and exciting when everything goes your way? Are relationships worth it without arguments and it's fluctuating ups and downs? The ups make you feel the love but the downs just confirm it because it helps clear the air and shows you that the other person isn't going to give up that easily, Sometimes having things worth fighting for shows you they're worth it.
3. My Fears - Being disapproved off by people. Not having friends or people to depend on. Being unloved without social company, Feeling like the entire world except me is having fun. With time I am slowly learning that instead of trying to be a person that people like I should focus more on being myself and seeing if others approve of me. Do i crave affection? yes. Can I be demanding ? yes. Do I have unrealistic expectations? yes. Do I chase people ? yes. Do i get jealous and insecure? yes yes yes. Is that okay? maybe.
I can't help that i crave affection so what should i do ? go out and get some by treating people the way i want to be treated. I am demanding , but am i as demanding as other people or more or less? how do you measure demandingness and be able to tell what is the right amount? Is it wrong to want love and security? Or wanting to get what you deserve? Sometimes it burdens you and yourself to be unrealistic but its okay , we just need to accept that stuff can't always go our way or we won't be thankful and appreciative and respectful when it does. I chase people because I'm sure of what i want and when i want someone i try to keep them around, all i have to do now is be myself and treat them the way i want to be treated. I get jealous because self esteem constantly fluctuates from situation to situation and sometimes people are better than you and worse than you in certain aspects, doesn't mean you aren't a beautiful unique human being.
Maybe these are just defence mechanisms, but bottom line it is necessary to be yourself and not lie to yourself and accept the way you feel without trying to cover it up to make yourself feel better because you only truly feel good and strong when you stay yourself and are proud of yourself despite forces making you change in order to be desirable by society.
xoxo
my head to my heart and my heart to my head.
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